Just Like Carlin

I starting to feel just like Carlin on this issue...

Linkin Park

One of the best angry songs ever!

It's Me!

toothpastefordinner.com

Friday Fill-Ins #78

1. Birthdays are generally pretty dull if we're talking about my birthday.

2. Spring is my favorite season because everything is turning green and colorful outside... not to mention the awesome thunderstorms!

3. I feel my best when I am financially stable.

4. Chocolate is my favorite food.

5. First impressions are over-rated.

6. The best piece of advice I ever received was my best friend telling me that there's nothing better than finding & being who you're meant to be.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching Roseanne at like 3am, tomorrow my plans include watching for the mailman who will hopefully be carrying my stimulus check, and Sunday I'm seeing a couple of old friends who will be passing through town!

Donald Trump = Douche!

Trump lashes out at Anne Hathaway

Says ‘Get Smart’ star was disloyal for dumping boyfriend before his arrest

Donald Trump may have a new sparring partner on his hands.

The “Apprentice” head honcho has raised a critical eyebrow at “Get Smart’s” Anne Hathaway for dumping her boyfriend, and Trump Tower resident, Raffaello Follieri, days before he was arrested and charged with fraud.

“She hasn’t remained very loyal to him, has she?” Trump told “Access Hollywood’s” Billy Bush. “So when he had plenty of money, she liked him, but then after that, not as good, right?”

Trump said this week, prior to Follieri being taken into custody and his bail set at $21 million, Trump Tower has been surrounded by media.

“I walked out of Trump Tower this morning and there was paparazzi all over the place, so I naturally thought they were waiting for me and I said, ‘How badly do you want my picture?’ And they said, ‘No, no, no, Mr. Trump. Not your picture. Raffaello!’” Trump recounted.

Though he’s glad he was never approached to, or invested with Follieri, Trump said reports about the Italian businessman’s demeanor in the building were positive.

“I’ve heard he’s very nice,” Trump said. “According to the help, no problems. But he’s got himself in a jam.”

“We’re going to spend it actually at one of my big country clubs,” Trump said.

But it will just be the three of them. Trump said no more little Trumps are on the way.

“She’s not pregnant,” Trump said. “We have one great beautiful baby and we’re really happy with that. We’re not trying… Will we have another child? That’s possible, but she’s not pregnant.”

(source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25418350/)

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Okay, so as for my little commentary on this... Trump is a total douche! I could handle the Rosie O'Donnell feud (even though I am a fan of Rosie's) because she likes to talk a little smack too, but Anne Hathaway? Seriously? Why would Trump feel the need to make a comment at all? He doesn't seem to know either of them at all, he can't give anybody any insight into their relationship or the reason for their breakup. It could be any number of reasons why they broke up. Maybe she knew it was about to hit the fan and she wasn't committed enough to the relationship to stick with him. Maybe she felt that she couldn't trust him. Maybe the breakup was completely unrelated to his legal issues. Who knows? I don't know. I'm sure most people don't know. And I'm sure Trump doesn't have a clue. But it seems that Trump will comment on just about anything that will get his name in the news. Stupid Trump.

Uhm, Yay?

Woo Hoo... so at my job I am now the 2nd shift lead for fax processing. That means absolutely nothing to most of you, but basically here's what it means... It's not a promotion and there's no raise involved, but there is more work involved though... wait, why am I happy about this? Oh yeah, that's right, it'll give me more responsibility which in turn will enable me to "prove myself" which will be good for me should I ever decide to apply for other jobs within the company. So, yay me... I think. :-)

Thursday Thirteen #4

This week I decided to share 13 of my favorite PostSecret secrets. I have tons of favorites so narrowing it down to 13 is pretty difficult, but here they are...

Tonight's Sunset

George Carlin 5/12/37-6/22/08

HAHAHA

Where Are The Dogs Humping.com

Thoughts

Random thoughts flowing through my head tonight...

• I'm not looking forward to working 12 hours tomorrow. I must have been crazy signing up for that! Hopefully it's fairly quiet, but I highly doubt it. From what I've heard, Saturdays have been kind of busy lately. Blah!
• I made a list today of a lot of the things that I originally planned on doing with my time when I went to a part-time shift. I've decided to start actually doing those things. Even though lately it's been difficult to just get out of bed and get dressed most days, I really have to make a concerted effort to do more than what I've been doing. I'm wasting my life and I'm tired of it and since my fairy godmother isn't going to magically appear and make things all better, I have to at least try to feel better.
• My roommate asked me today if we could get another roommate. I just very politely said, "no," but what I was really thinking was, "Have we met?" Then we had a talk. I may end up trying to live on my own again after our lease is up. I sort of wanted to live alone again anyway, but now that she has someone who wants to move in with her it sort of gives me the freedom to really start looking. My biggest issue (other than my not having the money) with living alone again was that I didn't want her to go into financial ruin. Her having another roommate option means she'll be okay. I have a few bills that will be paid off within a few months and then hopefully I'll be able to afford to live alone again - even if I'm only working part time.
• The news has been crazy lately... pregnancy pacts, pigs that survived the floods getting shot, dogs getting swept up by street sweepers, people can't eat tomatoes, gunfire during a local peace march... it's just crazy! What the heck is happening? What's goin' on?
• Lately I've been a tiny bit more social with my co-workers who sit around me. There's a new girl who just talks and talks and talks, you can't help but socialize with her. So she's somewhat broken the ice. I've not let my guard down much, but it's nice to have someone nearby at work that I can have a laugh with. People get scattered so easily and people's schedules change and it's pretty easy to not get to know anybody if you're not around them every day.
• I'm a bit worried about who will be the next president. Obviously I'll be voting Obama, but I guess I don't have 100% confidence in his ability to lead the nation. I'm sure he couldn't possibly do as bad a job as ol' W has done or as McCain could do, but I'm still worried. I've been back and forth about my feelings for Obama. Way back when I wanted Russ Feingold to run for president - I thought he would have been awesome. But he didn't run. Then I was a fan of John Edwards, then I got behind Bill Richardson. When he dropped out I was really against both Obama and Clinton so I decided to support Edwards. Then Edwards dropped out and by that point I became okay with the idea of Obama being the nominee. I never liked Clinton. I've always felt very uneasy about her. I thought her husband did a decent job in the White House, but I just never felt good about her at all. Anyway, I'm supporting Obama because I know his political beliefs are more in line with mine than McCain's are, but I really don't know that he'll do a great job. I hope so, but I'm just not sure.

Okay, well there's more thoughts in there, but I'll get those out another time. :-)

I'm Voting Republican

Friday Fill-Ins #77

1. A smile is difficult to manage sometimes.

2. Scrabble is my favorite board or card game.

3. I would love to have more joy in my life and less stress.

4. When I think of the Summer Solstice, I think of long hot muggy days.

5. I just remembered I need to take my chill pill.

6. One of my favorite song lyrics goes like this: You're such an inspiration for the way that I will never ever choose to be.

7. As for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sleeping, tomorrow my plans include working a 12 hour shift and Sunday I want to relax.

Tired

I thought I would feel a lot better about things once I changed my work schedule from full time to part time, but I'm finding that's not the case at all. I have a lot more down time, which is great, but I'm not doing much of anything with that down time. Sometimes that's okay, but most of the time I feel like I should be doing something else. At the very least I should be trying to figure out what it is I want to be doing with my life. Even if I don't have the next half a century planned out, I should have some sense of what I'm going to be doing over the next five years. I should have some sort of plan. Am I going to go back to school? Am I not going to go back to school? If I'm going back to school what am I going to school for and where am I going to go to school at? If I'm not going back to school I have to figure out a job I can do full time without wanting to slit my wrists at the end of the day. I once knew this guy who was a drummer in a band. He went to college. He works at a music store and teaches drum lessons. He said there's nothing other than music that he could ever see himself doing 40 hours a week or more. Music is his thing. It's what he's passionate about. What am I passionate about? What can I do 40 hours a week that I would love doing?

I hate asking myself the same questions over and over and over and never being able to find an answer. It's very frustrating. Why can't all the answers just fall into my lap?

Congrats

Gay Couples Wed As Same-Sex Marriage Becomes Legal In Calif.

by The Associated Press

(San Francisco, California) Dozens of gay couples were married Monday after a landmark ruling making California the second state to allow same-sex nuptials went into effect.

At least five county clerks around the state extended their hours to issue marriage licenses, and many same-sex couples got married on the spot.

"These are not folks who just met each other last week and said, `Let's get married.' These are folks who have been together in some cases for decades," said Kate Kendell, executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights.

The May 15 California Supreme Court ruling overturning bans on same-sex marriage took effect at 5:01 p.m.

The really big rush to the altar was not expected to take place until Tuesday, which is when most counties planned to start issuing marriage licenses to gay couples. Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of couples from around the country are expected to seize the opportunity to make their unions official in the eyes of the law.

In San Francisco, Mayor Gavin Newsom, who helped launch the series of lawsuits that led the court to strike down California's one-man-one-woman marriage laws, presided at the wedding of Del Martin, 87, and Phyllis Lyon, 84.

Newsom picked the couple for the only ceremony in City Hall Monday in recognition of their long relationship and their status as pioneers of the gay rights movement. More than 600 same-sex couples have made appointments to get marriage licenses in San Francisco over the next 10 days.

Martin sat in her wheelchair during the ceremony in Newsom's office, which was open to a few elected officials, reporters and friends.

After the mayor pronounced them "spouses for life," the couple kissed, drawing huge applause.

Newsom called officiating the wedding "this extraordinary and humbling gift."

Meanwhile outside City Hall, a crowd of well-wishers gathered to wish the happy couple congratulations.

A handful of people opposed to gay marriage were also there. Some held signs with statements including "Jesus said go and sin no more."

Just hours before the ruling went into effect, a conservative legal group asked a Sacramento court to order the California agency that oversees marriages to stop issuing gender-neutral marriage licenses.

Gary Kreep of the San Diego County-based United States Justice Foundation said his group filed a petition on behalf of five county supervisors from Yuba, Stanislaus, Nevada and Sutter counties. The petition argues the state Department of Public Health failed to hold legally required public hearings on the licenses and claims legislators must amend state marriage laws before the licenses are valid.

A hearing on the matter was scheduled for Tuesday.

Also Monday, a conservative Christian law firm and a church joined in faxing letters to county clerk offices, telling them that they do not have to do work related to same-sex marriages if it violates their religious beliefs.

Despite the last minute legal efforts, dozens of same-sex couples were married in ceremonies at city offices in San Francisco, Alameda, Sonoma, Los Angeles and Yolo counties.

Derek Norman, 23 and Robert Blaudow, 39, from Memphis, Tenn., were in the Bay Area for a conference and decided to get married at the Alameda County clerk's office.

"We might wait a long time in Tennessee, so this is our chance," Blaudow said.

First in line to pick up a marriage license in Sonoma were Melanie Phoenix, 47, and Terry Robinson, 48, of Santa Rosa. They have been together for almost 26 years and plan to wed in August.

"It's an historic occasion," Phoenix said. "I never believed it was really possible until Gavin Newsom took the first step in 2004."

In February 2004, Newsom decided to challenge California's marriage laws by issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

In the month that followed, more than 4,000 same-sex couples were married before a judge acting on petitions brought by gay marriage opponents halted the city's spree. The state Supreme Court ultimately voided those unions, but two dozen couples sued and those lawsuits led the same court last month to overturn California's ban on gay marriage.

Among the plaintiffs in those lawsuits was a couple married Monday in a Jewish ceremony in front of the Beverly Hills courthouse.

The ceremony between Robin Tyler and Diane Olson was broadcast live on three newscasts in Los Angeles.

The couple wept and pressed their foreheads together, and onlookers whooped as the marriage became valid.

Rabbi Denise Eger saluted the couple for "these many years of coming to this very place and standing on these courthouse steps year after year of being denied this right, this civil right."

©365Gay.com 2008

New Goal

So I have a 55 year old co-worker who told me today that she feels like she's wasted her entire life. My new goal is to NOT end up in her shoes.

For a moment I found myself playing counselor to her - which is just laughable considering where I'm at in my own life. She sat down next to me and we were just casually chit-chatting for a moment and then she just kind of dropped that bombshell on me and I kept thinking that I'm at the same place in my life. The only difference is that I'm 25 and she's 55. I don't want to be feeling this way when I'm 55. I want to be well past the bullshit and living happily and peacefully.

So what do I do about it? It's easy to say that I should start living life the way I want to live it, but it's not that easy. There are lots of obstacles. The number one obstacle being me. How do I get out of the way and let myself live? How do I just let go and be myself and live the way I want to? How do I muster up the courage and energy to live my life the way I want to live it?

I've spent my entire life not really doing much of anything. I'm tired of that. Change is needed.

Home

The recent flooding seems to have given me a new perspective on the town I live in. I've always lived in the Cedar Valley. I grew up in Evansdale then as an adult I've lived in Waterloo and Cedar Falls. I've spent my entire life wanting a place to call home and I never thought it would be anywhere near here. I never thought that I could actually make the life that I want if I chose to stay and live here. But over the course of the last week my feelings about living here and calling this place home have shifted a bit. Maybe I'm just feeling sentimental about things right now. Maybe for some reason I'm just super-sensitive. Regardless of what it is, I now find myself seeing the positives about my community. Not once in my life have I ever considered that this would be my home. I've always wanted out and I've always said to myself that if I could just save up enough money I would be out of here. Now I'm not so sure. I've definitely got a lot to think about.

Anyway... here is the video I put together with pictures of the flooding in my neck of the woods.

Cedar Rapids / Iowa City

This is a video I put together of Cedar Rapids, Iowa City and the surrounding areas there. It's 50-90 miles south of where I'm at. I'm still working on a video of my area. I tried to be a bit uplifting with this one...

Speechless

I can't even imagine going through this. How horrible!

Dog sucked up by street sweeper

NEW YORK - A street-sweeping truck roaring down a Bronx street sucked up a dog and killed her as her owner held the leash.

Robert Machin said he had just finished walking his two Boston terriers and was about to put them into his car when the truck appeared Thursday morning. The retired transit worker said he was suddenly whipped around and saw one of the dogs, Ginger, being swallowed by the sweeper's round bristles.

"I went berserk at that moment because I couldn't believe what had occurred," he said Saturday.

Machin said he yelled at the driver to stop, but the truck kept going. He and friends chased the truck for 2 1/2 blocks before catching up with it. Ginger's slight body was later pulled from the sweeper.

The city Department of Sanitation called the death "a rare and unfortunate accident."

A heartbroken Machin questioned whether the driver was observing proper procedures, saying the truck seemed to barreling through the street at an unsafe speed.

The heartbroken Machin, 57, choked up as he described losing Ginger. With his children grown, he said, "These two dogs, they're my life."

(Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25165627/)

Dead Phones

So I went to work tonight and it turns out the phones are down and most people can't even log on to their computers. I was fully prepared to sit there and twiddle my thumbs for the duration of my shift. But then they decided to send everyone home. Apparently there's some issue with a switch downtown (where a lot of the flooding took place) that is hooked into three local businesses. Two of those businesses had already been affected and I guess we've just been going on for the past few days hoping and "praying" that we wouldn't lose service. Well at some point today we apparently lost service. There are pluses and minuses to this. On the plus side, I didn't have to work tonight (and who knows how long it will be until we're up and running again). On the minus side, I don't think we're going to get paid for this time which is going to pretty much kill me financially. I actually hope things are back up by tomorrow.

Stupid Random Notes

Just a few random notes...

• My new plant isn't doing very well. The leaves have gotten droopy since I've had it. I think I need to get some soil and put it in a bigger pot.
• I'm sort of glad that my roommate and I won't be moving when our lease is up. This will allow us to do a month-to-month lease which makes me feel a bit more freedom. I'm getting to a point where I might be wanting to live alone again. I can't afford to live alone, but at least if I'm in a month-to-month lease I can get out fairly quickly if I need to.
• I really wish a few thousand dollars would just fall in my lap right now. I'd feel so much better about paying bills if I actually had the money to pay them.
• Speaking of money, I really have to plan out a budget. Working part time is really starting to kick me in the ass.
• I keep thinking about picking up a second job, but what kind of job would I want to get?
• My Life on the D-List was pretty funny last night. I love me some Kathy Griffin. Did anyone else watch? I have one question for anyone who watched... Steve Wozniak? What!?!? I mean sure, he won't steal money from her like a certain ex who shall remain nameless, but wow. I couldn't stop wondering if they're doing it! He's just not at all the kind of person I would see Kathy with. I realize he's a genius and everything, but at the same time I feel like he's kind of dumb. Sometimes it looked like he didn't really understand anything she was saying. And I don't like to talk about people's physical appearance, but what's going on with Kathy's hair? There's something not quite right about it. It definitely looks a lot different than it has in the past. I guess I'll get used to it. All in all, it looks like this will be a pretty funny season.
• That new show, Swingtown, got a lot of buzz about pushing the envelope, but in all honesty I couldn't get through the first episode. It was boring. I stopped watching not even half way through. I just wasn't taken in by the characters or the plot at all. And if I'm watching TV or movies or plays, what I really want is to be taken out of my life and transported into someone else's - which means something has to grab me. Swingtown didn't grab me.
• Do you ever feel like you have tons to say, but you just don't have the words to say it? That's how I'm feeling right now. I have way more to talk about than what I've said here, but I'm sitting here without words. Blah.
• I'm tired. It seems like all I really want to do lately is lay in bed. I wish I could afford therapy. But if I'm struggling with my current bills then I definitely can't afford therapy.

Take a Breath

I'm so exhausted. So much has been going on the past couple of days. I'm tired of thinking. I just want my brain to turn off. I might dust off the old Sims game and pop it in just to get my mind out of all the bullcorn.

I realize everybody who reads my blog is probably sick and tired of reading about the damn floods, but right now it's a part of my life and this blog is about my life so I'm going to write about it for as long as it's on my mind!

I'm grateful that I physically have not been affected by the flooding. But it's a serious trip to watch the town (and the state) I grew up in be enveloped by water. It's sad to think about all the people who've pretty much lost their homes. It's just crazy to think about all the little places that I've enjoyed throughout my life either being destroyed or are in danger of being destroyed. It's scary to think about going over the one remaining open bridge that connects the east and west sides of town because you just have no idea if there's been any structural damage to the bridge underneath the water. We don't know what could be drifting around under the surface. We don't know if the rushing water itself has caused damage to the bridge. And considering that it's a scary bridge to go over to begin with (even to people, like myself, who generally don't have issues with bridges), it easily becomes a very stressful situation.

I've heard that for at least the rest of the week the company I work for is excusing weather-related absences for people who have either been affected by the flooding or who just can't get to work because of the flooding. I called in yesterday because I didn't feel that I could get to work. Luckily I have today off. But what about tomorrow? I'm hoping they can reopen the downtown bridges. I feel like a big wuss for calling in yesterday. I had so much anxiety about having to go over that bridge that I was seriously worried that I would freak out behind the wheel before getting to the bridge. So I called in and said I didn't think I could get to work. I'm hoping that the storms coming tonight don't dump much rain on us. The river levels may be dropping for the moment, but if we get any significant amount of rain tonight, that could change. And even more scary is when the meteorologists say that they can't really accurately predict what will happen with the rivers because we've never had this much flooding before. Also, every time they say that the levees are holding "for now" that sort of causes a bit of anxiety because they don't sound too confident that they will continue to hold for the duration of the flooding. It's really scary, it's exhausting and I just want to forget about it for a while.

More Flood Pictures

Here are some more pictures of the flooding. Again taken from www.kwwl.com. Supposedly the river crested overnight and the water began to go down. But then it rained again today (and more is forecasted), so who knows what effect that will have at this point.

Oddly enough I live in a basement apartment and I'm still dry. Thank goodness. Even more odd is that there is a small creek behind my apartment building and not only is it not flooding, the water actually seems to be lower than usual. How does that make any sense at all?

It's incredibly sad to know how many hours and how much hard work went into sandbagging the area and in the end it didn't matter.

This is just a couple blocks from where I grew up. I used to play in those woods behind that house.

Downtown

The railroad bridge that snapped in half.

Downtown

Flooding near the John Deere plant.

Downtown

The river has pretty much washed away the bike trail where I used to walk.

Bridge Gone

This railroad bridge downtown is no more. I just saw on the news that it has now snapped in half! This is a bridge used every day by trains in the area. It's now gone. I'm still waiting to hear what's happened to it. If it has been washed down stream I would guess it would slam right into a bridge not far away which could take out a main downtown bridge. Hopefully it just sank where it was at. Scary stuff.

That's a Lot of Water!

You see that trash can? Right near the trash can are steps that lead down to a bike trail about 7 or 8 feet below where that trash can is. Just for some perspective on the flooding, the river is normally about 4 or 5 feet below the level of the bike trail.

Water Water and More Water

We have record level flooding around here. I thought I'd share some pictures. All photos taken from http://www.kwwl.com/. For those of you who aren't from around here, trust me, these bridges are generally a lot higher up above the water!

Random Stuff

So here are the random things floating through my head that won't let me sleep tonight unless I get them out...

• A friend (not a close friend, but a friend nonetheless) of mine had a baby last Tuesday. She gave birth at 5 1/2 months because the baby had damage to just about every major organ. The baby died soon after being born. When I first found out that my friend was pregnant I really hoped she would have an abortion. She's just very unstable in every aspect of her life and her having a baby seemed like a really horrible idea. She scheduled an abortion a couple different times but something happened each time and she wasn't able to get to the appointment. She saw it as a sign that she should have the baby. I secretly wished nature would take of care of things. I guess I was hoping that nature would take care of things a lot sooner, in the form of a miscarriage, not in the form of her growing attached to the idea of having the baby and feeling it kick and beginning to love it and then to have it taken from her in such a horrific manner. For the moment my friend seems to be doing quite well considering what she's just been through. But I worry that maybe this hasn't completely hit her and that once it does she'll be suicidal again.
• I'm worried about the flooding situation. So far I really haven't been affected, but we're beyond a record level of flooding and it seems as though the people in charge of containing the water aren't as sure as they should be about the levees holding the water. And it just keeps raining, and raining, and raining. When I drove over a bridge on the way home tonight I got nauseous because when I looked over the bridge it looked as though the bridge was just sitting on top of the water. Not good. I usually don't get worried about these kinds of things but I've never seen flooding like this and I have to say, it's making me feel a bit of anxiety.
• My roommate and I found out today that we won't be moving to the apartment complex closer to work. I'm feeling equally bummed and excited about it. On the one hand it would be nice to live close to work and have a dishwasher and whatnot, but on the other hand when our lease is up where we're at now we can rent month to month which will make me feel a lot less stuck should I decide I want to live alone again at some point.
• My car is driving me bonkers. I can handle driving an ugly car - that's not a problem at all. What I can't deal with is driving a car that doesn't function properly.
• I've been wanting to cry for a few days now and I just can't do it. I know that if I have a good cry I'll feel a lot better afterward, but I just can't do it. I hate the act of crying. My head starts to hurt, my nose gets all stuffy - it's not a fun experience at all. The last time I really had a good cry was about 2 1/2 years ago when my grampy died. Things have been building up in my head and I need to cry to relieve the pressure. I've managed to tear up a few times, but that's the most I can do.

Okay, well I'm sure my head is far from clear, but I'm going to try my best to get some sleep now.

Why?

Wow - I'm stupid. I finally get a project at work that I enjoy working on and what do I do? I find two ways to fuck it up. #1 - I fuck up by misinterpreting the instructions thereby creating more work for myself and #2 - Even though I hit the save button after every change, when I went back in to look over the work I had done - it was gone. There was nothing there other than the original document that I began with. My changes were gone. Two hours worth of work just down the drain. Isn't that great? I'll be staying late, off the clock, to recreate the work because I do not want to be taken off of this project. This is the type of work that I actually would like to do at the company I work for - there's no way I'm letting my stupidity get in the way.

Side note: Why is that when I make a mistake, suddenly all the stupid mistakes I've made over the years come rushing back into my mind... things I haven't thought about in years!?!? What the hell?

Blah!

Tired

I don't feel well. I'm not sick - it's not like that. I just don't feel well inside. I hate my life. I hate it and I want a new one. But as they say, you only get one life. So I have to make something of the one that I have. I'm just not sure of how to do that.

I get so entangled with what I'm going to do with my life as far as a career is concerned and I completely forget that there are other things in life. I guess it's just always been my assumption that my career would be the most important thing in my life since I keep myself at quite a distance from other people... which means I don't now, nor will I ever, have a real group of friends that I hang out with or spend time with on a regular basis. The other things I want to do in life aren't much if I don't have friends to experience them with.

I think the reason that writing has always been my first choice as a career is because it's something that, for the most part, I can do alone. I can forget that I even exist in this world and create a new world. I can live a completely fantasized life and don't have to deal with real life at all. I can forget about social anxiety, I can forget about being fat, I can forget that I have no confidence in myself at all and I can forget the feeling of hopelessness. I can do everything I want to do vicariously through the characters I create. Isn't that a sad way to live? It is, but I can create a world on paper in which I'm not even aware of how sad it is.

The big problem here is that 99% of the time I can't seem to write anything creative at all. So I'm stuck feeling life as it really is, and in my reality life hurts. It's usually too difficult to just exist, let alone actually do anything, which leaves me in the very sad and lonely place that I'm in right now. Sometimes life is just too much to deal with.

Good Things #7

• Air conditioning - I don't think I could live without air conditioning at this point in my life. I'm incredibly grateful for A/C.
• Nights - I do my best thinking when the rest of the world is sleeping.
• Having space - Right now I feel very cramped. I have too much crap for the small amount of space I have. I'm really missing having an entire apartment to myself right about now.